I have been thinking about juxtaposition, "the act or instance of placing side by side, especially for comparison or contrast", lately. Every day I sadly read of the incoming administration's new instances of assault on the land, disregard for people and utter disdain for decency and the dignity of life. But, every day, I also delight in walks through the woods, the birds at the feeders, the play of sunlight on holly leaves and the rustling of persistent beech leaves in the wind. On the one hand, discouragement at what feels like encroaching darkness, and on the other, gratitude for witnessing life and light, in all its seemingly simple day to day normalcy.
Lately, I have also been pondering my place in this world and what my contributions to it have been and might be. I tend to measure myself against the efforts of the people who do "big things" for good which, of course, leaves me feeling considerably lacking and is a decidedly unhelpful attitude. Still, I long to make a difference...
It was in answer to that longing that some well-known words and a new hedgerow planting intersected into the affirmation that my intentions and efforts are valuable, possibly life-changing. The hedgerow is a mix of black chokeberry and still-fruiting winterberry bushes, the latter being visited daily by a migrant hermit thrush from the north. It was while watching the thrush eat that Jesus' words came to me, "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat. I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in..."
I realized that all the kindnesses that I extend, be it toward creatures who come to live out a part of their lives in the back yard, or fellow jury panelists with whom I recently spent a day, or a neighbor who needs a listening ear, or a roadside that needs to be cleared of the trash of too many careless passersby....all those kindnesses combine into opportunities for healing, healing for me, as well as others. It is in the doing what I can do, and the trusting to God what I cannot manage that will allow me to live, if not always at peace, at least with the gratitude that I have been able to give to the world what is mine to give, hopefully, for the blessing of all.
This brings me to tears, Ann, so poignant and truthful. You've given words to a grief I've carried all my life, addicted as I am to comparing my small self with the highest of standards. I can totally see this valid argument when applied to YOU, whom I know does god's work as she walks in the world. Now the challenge: can I acknowledge myself?
ReplyDeletePerhaps we are each sometimes afflicted by the voice in our heads that tells us that we are not doing "enough." What makes the accusation more intense, however, is that ever-illusive enough seems always just beyond our reach. I am coming to believe that we each have bents and longings that are an innate part of who we are and that, whether we can acknowledge it or not, are the way God means to work for good in the world. Some serve with actions towards other people, some serve with actions on behalf of the land, some with music that moves the soul, some with words or art that give focus to others' own motivations. As you work to acknowledge yourself, as you say, I encourage you to look, not at what you feel you are not doing, but at what most deeply moves and calls to you. Therein, you may find your own calling to serve the brokenness of us all. Thanks so much for your thoughts and willingness to share them.
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