Kinship

It was the bite of a newly harvested, Pennsylvania apple that brought me back to my senses. Sweet and tart, spicy and juicy, spark of gratitude amidst the chaos of swirling emotions, acknowledgement of what hasn’t changed.

Christmas fern on the bank up the road, the golden glow of beeches-reminiscent of Lothlorien, chickadee voices that sing all year and that brave, young roadside mullein plant, fuzzily growing taller and trying its best to beat the clock and bloom before the coming freeze.

The robins are here, voices ringing through the woodlands, taking in temporary offerings as they find them, nourishment from holly and bittersweet berries. And I? Where is my temporary nourishment, as needed in this moment? Like them, I ask only for the now, for a way to go on, trusting that when today’s provision is gone, I will be shown tomorrow’s.

It is cold and gray, this morning. I walk, damp and chilled but, driven onto the trails for the warmth of fellowship with disrobing trees, discarded leaves, and the old giants now being whittled to dust by beaks and beetles. The predictable presence of red-headed woodpeckers still surprises me, the prize of many a birder from far away. I can relax here, as their rattling invites me into a world devoid of human social turmoil, but replete with an abundance of grubs in the beaver and borer-killed trees that dot this landscape.

I hear them coming before I can see them, a doe and spike buck moving steadily through the trees, their coats exactly the same color as the bare trunks and branches, more effectively camouflaged than in summer. Close enough for me to read the expression in their eyes, they pause, smelling and wondering, and then, with a bolt, they are gone, vanishing back into the woodlands, beyond sight and sound.

Along the river, I find human fellowship, after all. An older gentleman carrying a long-distance lens watches and waits, dawdling as slowly as I. “There is a lot to see,” I say. “I can only go a few steps at a time before stopping again.” He smiles and nods, “Yes. That’s the way to do it.”
Sometimes, camaraderie comes unexpectedly.

Song sparrows rustle covertly in the thickets, singing improvisational songs and muttering to themselves in the underbrush as I become aware of feet, pattering towards me. Two squirrels, engrossed in aggressive pursuit and heedless of my presence until a few feet away suddenly startle, turn and scamper back from whence they came. 

“Well! What next?” I wonder.

I turn towards home through woodlands still awash in yellow and orange, at peace now, as I haven’t been in days, seven to be exact. One of the ever-present but often-hidden hermit

thrushes teases with its wheezy invitation as I gaze on new evidence that the beavers are back and once again at work.

I have found the temporary nourishment I needed, nourishment to engage the day, to examine my fears, to be grateful for what is, even as I act to change what can be changed. I am of two minds as I look around me, grateful for the moment, anxious for what might come.

Of course all is not lost…Not yet, anyway.