It was the bite
of a newly harvested, Pennsylvania apple that brought me back to my senses. Sweet
and tart, spicy and juicy, spark of gratitude amidst the chaos of swirling
emotions, acknowledgement of what hasn’t changed.
Christmas fern
on the bank up the road, the golden glow of beeches-reminiscent of Lothlorien,
chickadee voices that sing all year and that brave, young roadside mullein
plant, fuzzily growing taller and trying its best to beat the clock and bloom
before the coming freeze.
The robins are
here, voices ringing through the woodlands, taking in temporary offerings as they
find them, nourishment from holly and bittersweet berries. And I? Where is my temporary nourishment, as needed in this moment? Like them,
I ask only for the now, for a way to go on, trusting that when today’s
provision is gone, I will be shown tomorrow’s.
It is cold and
gray, this morning. I walk, damp and chilled but, driven onto the trails for the
warmth of fellowship with disrobing trees, discarded leaves, and the old giants
now being whittled to dust by beaks and beetles. The predictable presence of
red-headed woodpeckers still surprises me, the prize of many a birder from far
away. I can relax here, as their rattling invites me into a world devoid of
human social turmoil, but replete with an abundance of grubs in the beaver and
borer-killed trees that dot this landscape.
I hear them
coming before I can see them, a doe and spike buck moving steadily through the
trees, their coats exactly the same color as the bare trunks and branches, more
effectively camouflaged than in summer. Close enough for me to read the
expression in their eyes, they pause, smelling and wondering, and then, with a
bolt, they are gone, vanishing back into the woodlands, beyond sight and sound.
Along the
river, I find human fellowship, after all. An older gentleman carrying a
long-distance lens watches and waits, dawdling as slowly as I. “There is a lot
to see,” I say. “I can only go a few steps at a time before stopping again.” He
smiles and nods, “Yes. That’s the way to do it.”
Sometimes, camaraderie comes unexpectedly.
Sometimes, camaraderie comes unexpectedly.
Song sparrows
rustle covertly in the thickets, singing improvisational songs and muttering to
themselves in the underbrush as I become aware of feet, pattering towards
me. Two squirrels, engrossed in aggressive pursuit and heedless of my presence
until a few feet away suddenly startle, turn and scamper back from whence
they came.
“Well! What next?” I wonder.
I turn towards
home through woodlands still awash in yellow and orange, at peace now, as I
haven’t been in days, seven to be exact. One of the ever-present but often-hidden
hermit
I have found
the temporary nourishment I needed, nourishment to engage the day, to examine my
fears, to be grateful for what is, even as I act to change what can be changed.
I am of two minds as I look around me, grateful for the moment, anxious for
what might come.
Of course all
is not lost…Not yet, anyway.