This Fallen World

This evening I've been mulling over events of the last few days, and find my attitude softening, ever so slightly. I'm reminded, as if I need reminding, that life on earth is never going to be as God had originally intended for any of us, and that sometimes we are besieged by an ugliness over which we we have no control.

Yesterday was the first time in my life I have ever reported anyone for sexual harassment.  Not someone I worked with or knew, but someone here at the farm on a construction crew. Perhaps there are women who would not have found his behavior offensive, but I was shaken and fearful,even,of having to be around him for the duration of their work.  I talked with the HR woman for our organization and was blessed by her compassion and determination that it would not happen again, and sure enough, she made good on her promise.  But I keep wishing that I could have been more...more...I don't know exactly.  More effective, maybe. Not just for myself but for other women this man must surely make uncomfortable, and even for the man, himself. I wasn't sure whether he spoke English , and so did not attempt the conversation that was playing in my mind, but I wish I had felt that I could have. I wanted to ask him whether he had a daughter and if so, did he want her to someday feel as I did, to be treated as though she were nothing more than a thing to be toyed with for some perverted man's amusement.  What would he have said, I wonder. And I wonder whether that might have been the more redemptive approach, holding some possibility of change.  

There is constant construction going on at the farm right now, land being torn up, trees being torn down, continual noise and, what seems to me, carnage. Those who initiated and have made the decision that this project will go forward do not spend time on the land, be it this or any other. They work in offices and talk about "green living" and how this current effort will be a grand example of the same. And perhaps it will be, someday, when all the equipment is gone and top soil has been spread and new plants are growing where the old ones were ripped from the earth. Right now,all I see is destruction and sadness and some days I feel as though I hear the earth's cries.

Being hard on the man who frightened me and those who have decided to injure this land comes easily to me, and yet, if I am honest, I know that such is not the right response. I was reading of St Francis this evening, who showed mercy to those who were in the wrong, just as he did those who were in the right. Not condoning their behavior, but extending grace, that they might turn to God's also.  And so I am thinking about both as I retire for the night...thinking about those who cause pain and about the possibilities for redemption.  Both are pieces of living in this fallen world, as one who loves Jesus. I have more growing to do and hope that I can learn to hold the sometimes ugliness of this world and the beauty of forgiveness and redemption in tandem. Jesus did, and Francis did, and perhaps, someday, so can I.

Mindfulness

I've been reading and thinking lately about living life mindfully and this evening I decided to look up the word and discern whether I was understanding its meaning correctly. The words "attentive" and "aware" were most often used as definitions, but usually there was the implied "to" or "of" attached. I didn't find the word used in the context of defining one's life, but maybe those "to's" and "of's" really are the key, after all.

Early this morning, as I have been doing lately, I took a walk down to the river.  The farm and river are quiet then and there is ample opportunity for observation and for thinking. It is a good time to be mindful of what is happening around me - of the tide, of the summer singing insects, and of the voices of which birds are or are not present. It is a time to be mindful of the bounty of late summer and to be thankful for the land that feeds all living things right now.

However, even as I thought I was being aware, I learned a new lesson about mindfulness.  Sitting on a favorite log and looking up river, I saw a few Forster's Terns gracefully whirling and plunging  into the water, as they fished.  From up river, the fog began to roll in and the landscape before me grew increasingly fuzzy. While I could still see in the distance, I thought to look through my binoculars and there, beyond what I could see with my naked eyes, were dozens of terns flying to and fro.

How does this pertain to mindfulness? If being mindful means paying attention to what is present, it also mean paying attention to that which is present, but not always visible. I am learning that living life mindfully means being aware of God's presence in any and every situation I find myself.  It means being attentive to His voice and the leading of His Spirit as I go about the seemingly mundane affairs of day to day life. I am very sure that I will have much more to learn as I try to live a less distracted and more intentional life, but I am thankful for the gift of these insights this morning, and for the terns.

All Good Gifts

I am the gardener for a large garden, created for the benefit of school students who come on class trips to the farm where I work and live. The farm is a patchwork of woodlands, wetlands and open fields and sits along the banks of the Potomac River. As a result, I am richly blessed with the daily sightings bald eagles, ospreys, red shouldered hawks and the many non-raptors who make this place their home. And I am filled with gratitude for the land's bounty as I labor in the garden beds, harvesting for my husband and myself, and for others, while at the same time planting to support the many pollinators who live in and bless the garden with their presence. 

In the days to come I will be writing about my journeying towards a mindful life, marked by love for God and for a simplicity that allows me to hear His voice.  For this opening post, however, I'll just set down this song from the old movie Godspell that has been circling through my mind as I worked and walked today.  The words seem a fitting beginning for a series of writings about a life of many earthy blessings.

All Good Gifts

We plow the fields and scatter the good seed on the land.

But it is fed and watered by God's almighty hand.

He sends us snow in winter, the warmth to swell the grain.

The breezes and the sunshine, and soft refreshing rains.

We thank Thee, then, O Father, for all things bright and good.

The seed time and the harvest, our life, our health, our food.

No gifts have we to offer for all Thy love imparts,

But that which Thou desirest, our humble, thankful hearts.

All good gifts around us,

Are sent from Heaven above.

Then, thank the Lord, thank the Lord,

For all His love.